My God... so many dead. The latest number screaming at my eyes like a black wound is 147,000.... and that's not counting the injured and missing. How unimaginable is a number like that? It's so hard to wrap one's mind around, but I picture my hometown, empty. All the towns around it, silent and still. If I was still in San Jose, one great big chunk of the population, gone, one corner of the sprawling city wiped out. Neighbors, mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, grandparents, aunts and uncles... entire families just... nonexistent. Everyone ever known, vanished. And you hear about people doing such horrible things in the aftermath. Though there seem to be conflicting reports on the truth of such activities - child trafficking, taking advantage of the orphaned? Dear gods, how low can humanity sink? Nor am I saying there's no example of human empathy and compassion - people give to relief efforts, and every little bit helps. I have to believe that, because what I could afford to give seems so small in the face of what's happened. The more cynical of my coworkers and aquaintances shrug and shake their heads. Terrible, they say, but people will forget, people will move on, and stuff like that happens in poorer countries anyway. If they'd just do this, do that... politics. -Politics-, how I despise some of the things that go with that. People. Remember them? Not ideals, not faiths, not religions, not numbers, not disposable, forgettable, no account distant concepts, but -people-. It's human nature to care more about what's closer to home - the devastation caused by the hurricanes to our shores, the loss of life etched into our national consciousness now by Sept. 11, the loss of life continuing in Iraq as our troops get picked off bit by bit... but none of it is forgotten. None of it is pushed to the wayside. Or shouldn't be.

Does this mean we should only focus on these things, to the exclusion of all others? No. That's simply not humanly possible. All of us have to live in our own lives too, deal with our day-to-day trials, tribulations, and triumphs. We still have to deal with the small and not-so-small crises that arise in our immediate surroundings. Our deadlines won't pause, our rent will still be due, and our days will still have their share of problems and aggravations, sorrows and victories, and we'll still feel the corresponding emotions with all their sharpness. But maybe... those small troubles will have a little perspective. We'll do what we can, and keep in mind what's happening half a world away, and remember.

Health update: Tendonitis, still kicking my arse. I've had to use a crutch at work a lot more often than I used to. The exercises I'm supposed to do hurt like hell, and I simply can't do them if I want to be able to walk -at all- that day. Doing them later doesn't work either, because by then, my ankle's already killing me, and even more painful. I'm happy if I can get through five hours on my feet and not have to resort to the crutch. Ah, memories of walking normally, without pain... those were the days. I'm too effing young to be falling apart yet. :P And yes, be quiet you-know-who, I know I'm griping about being old these days, but not -that- old. I wasn't applying for a walker yet! Hopefully all I'll take to Further Confusion will be a slight limp. There's plenty of places to sit down around the con, so hopefully I'll be fine.

I'm going to Further Confusion 2005 in San Jose, and though I don't have a full costume yet, I've managed to complete a half one. Gloves, fur on the upper body, tail, gotten hair onto my mask, lenses in the eyes so I have better vision, and beaded the braids. I'll have to wear my shoes and blue jeans, but hey. Digitigrade legs, cloven hooves, and a loincloth will take a wee longer to do, especially since I can't cannibalize anything from an older costume for those, like I did for this one. Well, technically, I bought the fur and such -for- a minotaur costume. It just played double duty as a werewolf for a little while before being used as it was intended. I'm pretty happy with it. It's a first attempt, after all. ;)

Saw the trailer for the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Drooled over the minotaur costumes featured for a whole day. Well. Maybe more than a day. *dabs at mouth with a napkin* Of course, there are things (as usual, eh? *grin*) that I don't like, but overall, what I've seen, is just abso-fricking-lutely gorgeous. *sighs* Oh, for money and the talent those people have to make costumes.

Hopefully, aside from the disaster news, everyone had a good holidays. Mine were all right. Nothing outstandingly special, but sometimes, that's the best kind. It was nice. And that's always a relief when dealing with family. -_- Not much Christmas loot to report - got some jeans, which I needed, a calender, little odds'n'ends in my stocking like a pen and honey-sticks and a fuzzy Pez dispenser. Quite cute, really, a little white Pit Bull with the occasional black spot. A gift certificate to a book/music/movie store, which is always good, a little cash, and - by far the coolest gift, from my brother, even - a ceramic horse figure. Part of a collection called Painted Ponies, it's a good one for anyone who lives in Cali, home of the annual wildfire. Called (duh) Wildfire, that's pretty much what it is. Black on the legs, lower body, underside of the neck and along the jaw, black tree trunks and branches reach up the sides and neck against a background of red, then yellow flames. The mane and tail both have ridges in those licks of fire, and the back from withers to base of tail is painted in swirling grey smoke. A very striking work. And now, having one, I checked out the website, and drooled over many many more. Not all of them, of course - but a great many. I clicked just out of curiosity and if I purchased every one I wanted, I'd be out almost $500. *chuckles* But they're really nice, some of 'em. Might start collecting a few at a time. We'll see.

Okay... now for a rant.

A Door Monitor's Notice to the Public.

When the alarm did not go off, and I ask you politely if I may please see your receipt...

Let's begin by getting one thing straight. When I stop you and ask for a receipt, I am not targeting you out of spite. I am not trying to ruin your day, make you late to an appointment, harass, or annoy you. You are not that important to me. I don't know you, don't particularly want to, and really don't care a whit about what you've got in your bag, whether it's a pregnancy test, condoms, or a CD. I don't find such things fascinating, nor do my friends, so you won't be a subject of discussion later, either.

Secondly, I am not stopping you because you "look dishonest", are a certain age, or a certain ethnicity. I stop you based on criteria that have absolutely nothing to do with you as a human being. I stop based on what direction you come from, if you walked through the front checkouts with a bag without actually being run up at one (usually meaning you used a checkout somewhere else in the store to avoid big lines), the type of merchandise in your cart/bag, the size/value of the merchandise, whether it's a high-theft item, OR, it's just time for a random check. We have those, you know. Random. FOR NO DAMN REASON AT ALL, other than it's been a while since we checked a receipt, and we have to do so if we want to keep our job, as lousy as it is, and checking them is why we were hired and what brings us a paycheck.

When the alarm goes off, and I ask you to come back inside so I may find out why...

For God's sake, just come back inside. I'm asking nicely, saying that a tag was likely just missed or forgotten. Is it really going to kill you to pause for a minute or two while I find out what set it off? People spend more time -arguing- with me about how it's going to delay them than it takes me to find and deactivate the damn things! And y'know what? Don't yell at me about it. I stand here eight hours a day, for minimum wage, and people always bitch at me. Y'know what I do when I get bitched at about how long this will take, and you're in a hurry, there is this most important event you have to get to -right now- and if you'd just do your jobs this wouldn't happen, and so on? I inform you evenly that this -is- my job, and I am doing it, and while I look for what set off the alarm, because getting bitched at makes me bitchy, I take as long as possible, wishing I could ask why, if you're in such a hurry, are you shopping at all? Being nice pays off. I'll hurry. Try to make -my- day miserable, and I'll do my damnedest to return the favor.

There is no conspiracy to embarrass you in front of anyone. Most of the other customers are only looking this way because the alarm is a loud, obnoxious noise, not because they're thinking, "Thief!" Odds are, they've had it go off on them at least once, too. I'm apologizing already for the fact that it's gone off, but there is nothing I can do about the fact that it does. It's either have the alarm system, and you get stuff for lower prices because there's not as much loss, or don't have it, and pay out the nose to cover the shoplifters, which take the equivalent price of ten brand new cars every year from the store as it is. That's -one- store. Not all of them.

The alarm helps you. Really. There are two kinds of tags. One is the big kind, very visible, called gator tags. If these are missed - and they can be, since while they're large, they're not always put in places where they're easily seen - you ain't gonna be gettin' them off anytime soon. Not without damaging what you've bought. So rather than having to come back to the store, just pause, and let me take it off for you, all right?

People who work at Kmart/Walmart/Target/etc. are human. Most times, the alarm is set off because a tag was missed during the deactivation process. This will happen most with new employees, but even experienced ones miss things, or don't think a tag is present. NOT ALL TAGS ARE VISIBLE. That's right, sometimes they're hidden, placed there by the manufacturer, not just the store itself.

Other miscellaneous things...

I stand at the front of the store. All day. I don't walk around on a regular basis. I can tell you where a lot of things are, I can tell you where in general things might be. But. I do not keep an inventory of all items in my head, including price, location down to the shelf, or if we carry this specific, uncommon item. Not only do I not get around, but stock we had could be seasonal, and I simply don't know that they've moved it out and put other seasonal stock in. I never leave the doors. That's why I'm a door monitor. Even the other employees generally work in one area, and might know that one well, but again, they won't have an exact map in their heads either of the rest of the store. Your best bet is to find out the area, then ask someone in that area. I'll do what I can, and I can tell you where exactly to find a lot of stuff... but don't snarl at me because I don't know about one specific item. I'll help if I can, and will ask another if I can't... but if I go ask, do me the courtesy of sticking around to get the answer I bring back.

I realize that to you, everyone in your family is distinct and remarkable. But me? I see people coming in minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. You blur into the sea of movement unless you have something that stands out. Like neon blue hair. And even then, there's no promises that I'll recall you. So please. Don't expect me to know who you mean when you ask me "Have you seen my wife/husband/daughter/friend? They're this tall, with this color hair, wearing red." ...do you have any idea of how many people matching that vague description go by in ten minutes? Not that I'm watching them either. Like I said, I hate to be brutal, but you just aren't that important to me. I'm not going to notice you without there being something -really- memorable, I'm sorry.

There is a bike rack outside. It is there for a reason. Use it, don't expect to be able to leave it at the service desk. If you don't have a bike chain or lock, we sell them in sporting goods. No, you twits, I'm not going to buy them for you. Are you going to pay me for watching your bike?

No animals allowed in the store. (Service animals excepted.) No dogs, puppies, rabbits, lizards, parrots, rats, kittens, etc. (Yes. All of these have been attempted to be smuggled by me, or actually have been, not being caught until they leave.) THIS MEANS YOU. I don't care how well trained it is. I don't care if you have a carrier. I don't care if it's a small dog, or how young it is, thus, tiny. I don't care how hot/cold it is outside, and thus in your car. If the weather is extreme, you should have left the bloody thing at home, where it could be comfortable. It's not my fault for enforcing the rules, it's your fault for being a bad owner. Do they let animals in stores on your planet, or something? The rule exists for a reason. Not only do the (especially the young pups) animals make messes, but most people don't feel obligated to clean it up if they do. Be assured, if I see it, I'll hand you the paper towels myself. We can get heavy fines if an inspector comes in and sees an animal, since we have food in the store. So just don't do it, eh?

Control your kids. I know, even the best ones have off days, and everyone has to learn that they don't get what they want when they cry... but don't let it get so bad that you're standing there watching two of your youngest (of six) scream and flail on the floor, calling you swearwords, not letting the cart move because they can't have something they want. When perfect strangers try to give one a dollar just to shut them up, it's gone a little far. And people wonder why I mutter about carving my ovaries out with a spoon and implementing breeding licenses so some people can be denied them.

Remember. I'm a perfectly pleasant person, just as long as you are to me. I will smile, I will chat a little, I'll do my best to help you out as much as I can. I'll even do more than I have to to try and accommodate. As long as you're not a prick. Thank you.

End of rant.

And finally... okay it got to me. I looked up the proper lyrics to the song in the previous post, and corrected the errors, both in it and in my head. I hate mangling a song, despite my protestations of not caring if I was right or not. I lied. *skitters*