I am so tired.

This past week - and the week before, really - have just been hell. The only good thing is the check should be decent. But I'm going to be too tired to care. I've been too tired to get online and roleplay, all right? That's tired. That's beat-the-crap-out-of weary. It hasn't helped I've still had trouble sleeping, but it all landed on me yesterday after I got home from driving over the hill (an hour both ways) to see my grandmother for her 75th birthday. I enjoyed that, just a couple hours of her and me. Unfortunately, didn't get out of there fast enough, but that's another story. The one where I tell all about how an eleventh hour celebration was thrown together and I'm expected to show up despite the fact that I have unpredictable hours, and am usually very tired, and need to get up again the next morning, because I work seven a week. The one where I go into how I hate being guilt tripped by arguements and expectations when the ones doing it are being pretty damned hypocritical. I hate that more. Also the one where I talk about how one person who was going to attend and I do not speak, and where she goes, I will not, if I know she's going to be there. And the one where I could remark on my extreme dislike for being both humored and lectured like a ten year old. I'm twenty-seven. I have my reasons. Leave it at that, and don't use me to save your muddy face.

But I'm not going to talk about that now. Be thankful. I could go into detail.

So very damned tired. If I get bitched at too much more at work I swear, I think I'm going to finally lose it. Snipe snipe behind the back biting words and false faces. Never good enough, looks like shit, doing it wrong, fuck it all.

Fuck it all.

Named a black kitten Pangur, for the poem Pangur Ban. Nice little kitten, so are the two siblings. Brought in because the shelter was full, supposedly. Can't blame them. About the only thing keeping me calm right now. I'm a sucker for kittens. I go in and hold one, listen to the little buzzpurr, wish I was back doing something that mattered.

Tired.