Okay, so I know it's been days and days after the con, and I haven't posted, but let me tell you, I just had to let the experience... uh... sink in! Yeah, that's right, it needed to ripen in my brain, and then burst forth in a torrent of amazing words and images... Okay, so I was procrastinating again. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is Further Confusion.

FC '05 ramblings. Warning - the con was four days, so there's a lot.

I didn't actually end up going the first day of the con, when I had planned to attend opening ceremonies, and of course, you know, register. Procrastination will be the death of me, someday. I'd been planning on registering for months now, and saving ten bucks. Then five bucks. Then... ah hell, they need the money, right? Right. Turns out I needed the time to complete last minute things on my costume, anyhow. Yes, I went out in a "fursuit" on some of the days. It's kind of fun, if hot. I just wish I had the body type of my character, though the heavy fur did sort of muffle the inescapable fact of my chest. When I was a bit lighter I used to get mistaken for a guy all the time in it (when the fur shirt was part of a werewolf costume I'd made for Halloween) so maybe I just have to get back down to that at least. Unfortunately, I can't do a damn thing about being short. I hate being short. *grumbles* Anyhow! I was very pleased with it, considering it's my first costume for anything like this. I had the mask last year, but this year, after consulting Kishma's helpful costuming section, I also added hair to it, and made the tail as well. I got some gloves together, and belted on an overlarge pair of jeans, and voila, minotaur me. I have pictures, taken at the free photo shoot that's provided, but I have to find a way to shrink and rotate them before I can post them here. (And I for one, would just like say that the folks who run that, and do so, are damn generous with time, craft, and materials. I'll have to write a thank you note. Must remember to do so soon.) I'll get to it eventually.

I also got a few very helpful suggestions on how to do the lower half of the costume from (and the promise that I could pick their brains when it was time) Ed Kline, Kishma, and Tanamin, whom I spent much of the con pestering, and whose costuming skills are just... well... freaking amazing. Go here to see some examples, and of course, visit Kishma's site, linked above, and you'll see what I mean. (I was an unfortunately modern minotaur in those jeans, with my plantigrade legs and shoes. I aim to fix that, time and money willing in the future.) So you can just imagine how much it thrilled me when Ed Kline especially said that he really liked my costume. I hadn't even thought he'd seen me when I was wearing it, as I hadn't seen him at the table when the fursuit parade went by. But my vision inside the mask, while improved, still isn't the best, and I was admittedly distracted.

I got my grubby little hands on all three issues of Carpe Diem, and what's more, got to meet the writer of CD and assorted other webcomics, Graveyard Greg, (who is also, as it happens, a minotaur by the name of Brahma.) and the artist, Redkam. Greg seemed a very fun and outgoing guy, and all I saw of him during the con (which wasn't much, but that's why it was just an impression) seemed to support that. I know that while he was around, I was either laughing or smiling. Especially when he and Adam Fullerton did a duet to Love Shack the last day of the con. More about that later. He is also, as it turns out, a very wise man. I had gone to the table with the intentions of buying the Carpe Diem issues, but found out that they weren't going to be able to take debit cards until the next day. When Greg exclaimed over the lack of CD issues in my hand, I explained that little fact, and he cautioned me that he had a feeling, that the issues already sold had gone fast. They might not be there the next day. I pondered a minute, then said I'd go find an ATM. So I got me to a money machine, got the bucks, returned, and snatched up issues one, two, and three. And the Furnation issue with the Carpe Diem ministory. Later that evening, I passed the restaurant, and Greg hailed me, informing me that issue three had sold out that day. Issues two and one were sold out the day after. So I was extremely glad that I listened to him. :D It took me a couple days, since I tend to be shy in cases like this, but I also finally approached Redkam, to let her know how much I enjoyed her artwork for Carpe Diem, and particularly the coloring. It went better than I had thought, for as brief as it was, and I was relieved. I always, always feel awkward approaching artists or musicians and likewise that I admire, and telling them so. I guess I'm afraid of bothering them or seeming like an idiot. Or worse, a fanboy. Err, fangirl?

As much fun as the fursuit parade was, and as many great costumes as there were - must develop film and get pics posted, yes - I probably shouldn't have done so with my tendonitis still hanging, like a snarly little terrier, onto my ankle. Walking around at my own slow pace and being able to sit when I wanted was one thing - having to keep up to the pace of the others and try not to slow everyone behind me was another. My leg hurt the most that day. The good news was, that most of the rest of the time, since I did move at my own pace and sat often, all I had throughout the con was a limp. The crutch stayed in my car, unused, though the brace pretty much stayed glued to my leg. :)

So many panels I wanted to go to, and so many conflicted with each other! It was hard to pick, but I enjoyed myself a great deal. I actually talked a little more to people this year, which was interesting, but I didn't get in as much time at the Creator's Lounge as I have in the past. I can't say I'm sorry though, as that meant I was usually doing something more fun. I just don't have a lot of drawings to show for it. Though I do have one from Tanamin, that got a chuckle out of me, and even coaxed me into drawing a sort of follow-up to his, for him. Again, I'll post them once I can. It was my attempt to be funny, but really, I should just leave that to him. He's a lot better at it. *chuckles*

I also got a bunch of con loot. *laughs* I spent more than I should have, but it was so nice to be able to afford to do so this year, instead of rationing my twenty dollars for 'stuff other than needed food' like last year. I got loot for me and a few things for a friend. My stuff: 3 issues of Carpe Diem, one of Furnation, a stuffed longhorn bull with black batwings sewn on, (I'm not normally a plushy fan, but for some reason, I just liked these guys, they were extremely well done) a cute stuffed lion, a plush deer, plastic fangs from one of the fursuit building panels I attended (free!), an Ironclaw book, a sketch from Tanamin (who wouldn't let me pay him for it, the sneaky begger), the promise of a couple of prints from her awesome solstice series from Kishma (who also wouldn't let me pay for them, the determined zebra), three Heather Alexander cds, a great unicorn-themed T-shirt, and an inflatable Scooby-Doo bust from Tanamin for winning the 'spot the screw-up' contest in his comic a time or two. I'm still trying to figure out how I can give it back to him. *grins* For my friend, a plush moose, a resin statue of... I can't spell his name, but Sekhmet's son, and a Dark Natasha T-shirt with Anubis.

But probably most memorable for me was the people. I've already mentioned a few instances, but here's the rest. I hung out a great deal with Kishma, Tananmin, Ed, and Ben again this year, and like all others, it was great. Even just standing around in the background by these people, I get to hear and see people I've only heard of. One of the guests of honor, Alan Dean Foster, evidently was a friend of Ed's from some time ago, and he stopped and chatted with him for an hour or so about this and that, the new Spellsinger story he'd written, said that Ed's version of Mudge is the best one he's ever seen... Hell, I got excited, and I wasn't even a part of the conversation in any way shape or form! But that was so damn cool, and I can just imagine what a kick it must be to have your work liked by someone who inspired you to begin with. Half the fun thing for me is just listening to these people - though I think I got a little excitable, especially with Kishma and Tanamin, and talked a bit too much. *wrinkles nose*

The one fly in the ointment so to speak was the fact that all of us couldn't eat together in the restaurant because they'd brought Buffy - a Chihuahua/Jack Russel mix who is absolutely adorable and sweet - and the new manager wouldn't allow her in the area, even in her carrier. I know the reasons - heck, have to enforce the same thing myself at work - so can't really blame the guy. It was just a little disappointing, since they'd been allowed to do so in previous years. So they had to eat in shifts, and so I had dinner with one group here, breakfast with another there, and so on. This also meant, however, that at least once, I got to speak with Ed Kline a lot more than I ever had before, and, my god, the stories this man has to tell. If I have half as many, half as interesting, by the time I'm twice his age, I'll call it a good life lived. Of course, Tanamin and Kishma seem to have just as many, which figures, since they're all together. Ben has a few of his own, and a scrapbook full of some of the neatest fursuits you'll ever see, as well as tales about some costumes that I -wish- he'd had pictures of.

I was bummed when they all had to go relatively early the last day, but they had a long drive, and were worn out. I gave and got hugs goodbye, and even got tickled by Tanamin's beard - which, having the comparison of my brother, father, and grandfather, I have to say, was much softer and nicer. And my brother can just eat that knowledge, because it's the truth. Pttth. Maybe the men in my family just have coarse beards. But, after they took off, I wandered around, intending to spend the remaining hours of the con in the Creator's Lounge, drawing. Since it was only an hour drive home, I figured I'd hang around as long as possible. Not like I had anything else to do. But I found that even though the Lounge was posted as being open until late that night, it had already been taken apart. Disappointed, I wandered around a little, until I passed the Gaming den, which was the hotel's Club Max, and wandered inside. And there, I did find... Karaoke Revolution. I gave it a whirl, had fun watching others - some of whom were quite good singers, actually - and got asked to draw in a sketchbook. During that time, who should come in, but Graveyard Greg, Adam Fullerton, and his wife, Gaby. (Who is also Redkam, Carpe Diem's artist, in case I left that out before.) Greg did a solo version of Love Shack, Adam did a song or three, and then, -then- ladies and gentlemen, they did a duet of Love Shack. And you know what? They rocked. I have never really liked the song myself, not done by the B52s anyway. The man's part is great, but something about the woman's part just annoyed the heck out of me. But I liked this performance. Of course, it was a performance. They both not only sang decently but Greg was out there dancing around, and so was Adam to an extent. They definitely gave everyone a show. :D Must get pictures developed, yes. A brief conversation with Adam yielded a CD he and his brother had made, called 3 Years on the Couch, and to my surprise he actually gave me one. I have to say, some of the songs are really, really good, and I also have to remember to send him an email saying as much, and maybe a bit of money. Good music should be paid, after all. Coming from a family of musicians, I am a firm believer in that. Of course, being from a family of musicians, I won't be able to give him -much- money... but that's beside the point. ;) I was also pointed at by Greg, given a stern look, and told "Kaz! I don't have fan art from you for Carpe Diem!" To which I replied something like *squeak* -deer in the headlights look-. "Send it to my email!" "Yessir." *chuckles* So I'm working on a pic of one of my favorite characters. I'm also pondering on trying to get revenge the only way I can, by deluging Greg with fanart, because, you see, he was evil. He asked me what I wanted to see more of in Gaming Guardians. Being the newb I am to the fandom, I fell headfirst into the trap. I'm a minotaur. There are minotaurs in his comic. "What do you think?" "Angus and Brahma?" *nodnods* "Angus and Brahma." *evil in his voice* "I'm going to make you regret you said that." "..." *mental cursing*. And even the phrase he uttered after that, though not so very illuminating in itself, was all he really had to say. And then I was -really- cursing me and my big mouth. *laughs ruefully*

Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, the mic on the game died, and the club was closed, so everyone wandered off in separate directions. Since there was nothing to do, and no one to hang out with for the rest of the day, I got in my car and drove home. I had a great time. *sighs happily* And if you actually read all this, I'm impressed.

My God... so many dead. The latest number screaming at my eyes like a black wound is 147,000.... and that's not counting the injured and missing. How unimaginable is a number like that? It's so hard to wrap one's mind around, but I picture my hometown, empty. All the towns around it, silent and still. If I was still in San Jose, one great big chunk of the population, gone, one corner of the sprawling city wiped out. Neighbors, mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, grandparents, aunts and uncles... entire families just... nonexistent. Everyone ever known, vanished. And you hear about people doing such horrible things in the aftermath. Though there seem to be conflicting reports on the truth of such activities - child trafficking, taking advantage of the orphaned? Dear gods, how low can humanity sink? Nor am I saying there's no example of human empathy and compassion - people give to relief efforts, and every little bit helps. I have to believe that, because what I could afford to give seems so small in the face of what's happened. The more cynical of my coworkers and aquaintances shrug and shake their heads. Terrible, they say, but people will forget, people will move on, and stuff like that happens in poorer countries anyway. If they'd just do this, do that... politics. -Politics-, how I despise some of the things that go with that. People. Remember them? Not ideals, not faiths, not religions, not numbers, not disposable, forgettable, no account distant concepts, but -people-. It's human nature to care more about what's closer to home - the devastation caused by the hurricanes to our shores, the loss of life etched into our national consciousness now by Sept. 11, the loss of life continuing in Iraq as our troops get picked off bit by bit... but none of it is forgotten. None of it is pushed to the wayside. Or shouldn't be.

Does this mean we should only focus on these things, to the exclusion of all others? No. That's simply not humanly possible. All of us have to live in our own lives too, deal with our day-to-day trials, tribulations, and triumphs. We still have to deal with the small and not-so-small crises that arise in our immediate surroundings. Our deadlines won't pause, our rent will still be due, and our days will still have their share of problems and aggravations, sorrows and victories, and we'll still feel the corresponding emotions with all their sharpness. But maybe... those small troubles will have a little perspective. We'll do what we can, and keep in mind what's happening half a world away, and remember.

Health update: Tendonitis, still kicking my arse. I've had to use a crutch at work a lot more often than I used to. The exercises I'm supposed to do hurt like hell, and I simply can't do them if I want to be able to walk -at all- that day. Doing them later doesn't work either, because by then, my ankle's already killing me, and even more painful. I'm happy if I can get through five hours on my feet and not have to resort to the crutch. Ah, memories of walking normally, without pain... those were the days. I'm too effing young to be falling apart yet. :P And yes, be quiet you-know-who, I know I'm griping about being old these days, but not -that- old. I wasn't applying for a walker yet! Hopefully all I'll take to Further Confusion will be a slight limp. There's plenty of places to sit down around the con, so hopefully I'll be fine.

I'm going to Further Confusion 2005 in San Jose, and though I don't have a full costume yet, I've managed to complete a half one. Gloves, fur on the upper body, tail, gotten hair onto my mask, lenses in the eyes so I have better vision, and beaded the braids. I'll have to wear my shoes and blue jeans, but hey. Digitigrade legs, cloven hooves, and a loincloth will take a wee longer to do, especially since I can't cannibalize anything from an older costume for those, like I did for this one. Well, technically, I bought the fur and such -for- a minotaur costume. It just played double duty as a werewolf for a little while before being used as it was intended. I'm pretty happy with it. It's a first attempt, after all. ;)

Saw the trailer for the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Drooled over the minotaur costumes featured for a whole day. Well. Maybe more than a day. *dabs at mouth with a napkin* Of course, there are things (as usual, eh? *grin*) that I don't like, but overall, what I've seen, is just abso-fricking-lutely gorgeous. *sighs* Oh, for money and the talent those people have to make costumes.

Hopefully, aside from the disaster news, everyone had a good holidays. Mine were all right. Nothing outstandingly special, but sometimes, that's the best kind. It was nice. And that's always a relief when dealing with family. -_- Not much Christmas loot to report - got some jeans, which I needed, a calender, little odds'n'ends in my stocking like a pen and honey-sticks and a fuzzy Pez dispenser. Quite cute, really, a little white Pit Bull with the occasional black spot. A gift certificate to a book/music/movie store, which is always good, a little cash, and - by far the coolest gift, from my brother, even - a ceramic horse figure. Part of a collection called Painted Ponies, it's a good one for anyone who lives in Cali, home of the annual wildfire. Called (duh) Wildfire, that's pretty much what it is. Black on the legs, lower body, underside of the neck and along the jaw, black tree trunks and branches reach up the sides and neck against a background of red, then yellow flames. The mane and tail both have ridges in those licks of fire, and the back from withers to base of tail is painted in swirling grey smoke. A very striking work. And now, having one, I checked out the website, and drooled over many many more. Not all of them, of course - but a great many. I clicked just out of curiosity and if I purchased every one I wanted, I'd be out almost $500. *chuckles* But they're really nice, some of 'em. Might start collecting a few at a time. We'll see.

Okay... now for a rant.

A Door Monitor's Notice to the Public.

When the alarm did not go off, and I ask you politely if I may please see your receipt...

Let's begin by getting one thing straight. When I stop you and ask for a receipt, I am not targeting you out of spite. I am not trying to ruin your day, make you late to an appointment, harass, or annoy you. You are not that important to me. I don't know you, don't particularly want to, and really don't care a whit about what you've got in your bag, whether it's a pregnancy test, condoms, or a CD. I don't find such things fascinating, nor do my friends, so you won't be a subject of discussion later, either.

Secondly, I am not stopping you because you "look dishonest", are a certain age, or a certain ethnicity. I stop you based on criteria that have absolutely nothing to do with you as a human being. I stop based on what direction you come from, if you walked through the front checkouts with a bag without actually being run up at one (usually meaning you used a checkout somewhere else in the store to avoid big lines), the type of merchandise in your cart/bag, the size/value of the merchandise, whether it's a high-theft item, OR, it's just time for a random check. We have those, you know. Random. FOR NO DAMN REASON AT ALL, other than it's been a while since we checked a receipt, and we have to do so if we want to keep our job, as lousy as it is, and checking them is why we were hired and what brings us a paycheck.

When the alarm goes off, and I ask you to come back inside so I may find out why...

For God's sake, just come back inside. I'm asking nicely, saying that a tag was likely just missed or forgotten. Is it really going to kill you to pause for a minute or two while I find out what set it off? People spend more time -arguing- with me about how it's going to delay them than it takes me to find and deactivate the damn things! And y'know what? Don't yell at me about it. I stand here eight hours a day, for minimum wage, and people always bitch at me. Y'know what I do when I get bitched at about how long this will take, and you're in a hurry, there is this most important event you have to get to -right now- and if you'd just do your jobs this wouldn't happen, and so on? I inform you evenly that this -is- my job, and I am doing it, and while I look for what set off the alarm, because getting bitched at makes me bitchy, I take as long as possible, wishing I could ask why, if you're in such a hurry, are you shopping at all? Being nice pays off. I'll hurry. Try to make -my- day miserable, and I'll do my damnedest to return the favor.

There is no conspiracy to embarrass you in front of anyone. Most of the other customers are only looking this way because the alarm is a loud, obnoxious noise, not because they're thinking, "Thief!" Odds are, they've had it go off on them at least once, too. I'm apologizing already for the fact that it's gone off, but there is nothing I can do about the fact that it does. It's either have the alarm system, and you get stuff for lower prices because there's not as much loss, or don't have it, and pay out the nose to cover the shoplifters, which take the equivalent price of ten brand new cars every year from the store as it is. That's -one- store. Not all of them.

The alarm helps you. Really. There are two kinds of tags. One is the big kind, very visible, called gator tags. If these are missed - and they can be, since while they're large, they're not always put in places where they're easily seen - you ain't gonna be gettin' them off anytime soon. Not without damaging what you've bought. So rather than having to come back to the store, just pause, and let me take it off for you, all right?

People who work at Kmart/Walmart/Target/etc. are human. Most times, the alarm is set off because a tag was missed during the deactivation process. This will happen most with new employees, but even experienced ones miss things, or don't think a tag is present. NOT ALL TAGS ARE VISIBLE. That's right, sometimes they're hidden, placed there by the manufacturer, not just the store itself.

Other miscellaneous things...

I stand at the front of the store. All day. I don't walk around on a regular basis. I can tell you where a lot of things are, I can tell you where in general things might be. But. I do not keep an inventory of all items in my head, including price, location down to the shelf, or if we carry this specific, uncommon item. Not only do I not get around, but stock we had could be seasonal, and I simply don't know that they've moved it out and put other seasonal stock in. I never leave the doors. That's why I'm a door monitor. Even the other employees generally work in one area, and might know that one well, but again, they won't have an exact map in their heads either of the rest of the store. Your best bet is to find out the area, then ask someone in that area. I'll do what I can, and I can tell you where exactly to find a lot of stuff... but don't snarl at me because I don't know about one specific item. I'll help if I can, and will ask another if I can't... but if I go ask, do me the courtesy of sticking around to get the answer I bring back.

I realize that to you, everyone in your family is distinct and remarkable. But me? I see people coming in minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. You blur into the sea of movement unless you have something that stands out. Like neon blue hair. And even then, there's no promises that I'll recall you. So please. Don't expect me to know who you mean when you ask me "Have you seen my wife/husband/daughter/friend? They're this tall, with this color hair, wearing red." ...do you have any idea of how many people matching that vague description go by in ten minutes? Not that I'm watching them either. Like I said, I hate to be brutal, but you just aren't that important to me. I'm not going to notice you without there being something -really- memorable, I'm sorry.

There is a bike rack outside. It is there for a reason. Use it, don't expect to be able to leave it at the service desk. If you don't have a bike chain or lock, we sell them in sporting goods. No, you twits, I'm not going to buy them for you. Are you going to pay me for watching your bike?

No animals allowed in the store. (Service animals excepted.) No dogs, puppies, rabbits, lizards, parrots, rats, kittens, etc. (Yes. All of these have been attempted to be smuggled by me, or actually have been, not being caught until they leave.) THIS MEANS YOU. I don't care how well trained it is. I don't care if you have a carrier. I don't care if it's a small dog, or how young it is, thus, tiny. I don't care how hot/cold it is outside, and thus in your car. If the weather is extreme, you should have left the bloody thing at home, where it could be comfortable. It's not my fault for enforcing the rules, it's your fault for being a bad owner. Do they let animals in stores on your planet, or something? The rule exists for a reason. Not only do the (especially the young pups) animals make messes, but most people don't feel obligated to clean it up if they do. Be assured, if I see it, I'll hand you the paper towels myself. We can get heavy fines if an inspector comes in and sees an animal, since we have food in the store. So just don't do it, eh?

Control your kids. I know, even the best ones have off days, and everyone has to learn that they don't get what they want when they cry... but don't let it get so bad that you're standing there watching two of your youngest (of six) scream and flail on the floor, calling you swearwords, not letting the cart move because they can't have something they want. When perfect strangers try to give one a dollar just to shut them up, it's gone a little far. And people wonder why I mutter about carving my ovaries out with a spoon and implementing breeding licenses so some people can be denied them.

Remember. I'm a perfectly pleasant person, just as long as you are to me. I will smile, I will chat a little, I'll do my best to help you out as much as I can. I'll even do more than I have to to try and accommodate. As long as you're not a prick. Thank you.

End of rant.

And finally... okay it got to me. I looked up the proper lyrics to the song in the previous post, and corrected the errors, both in it and in my head. I hate mangling a song, despite my protestations of not caring if I was right or not. I lied. *skitters*