Part I -- The Good

The internet is slow, and I have too much to say. I'm going to have to snarl at my provider – this is getting ridiculous. I can't get to my email, and now I'm having trouble even replying to other folks' lj entries. So, for now, I'll write this in another program, and save it until either early morning or very late night... which are often the same thing, these days, when the computer will behave with a modicum of decency.

Not that I can blame the computer entirely. I have had several bits of time where I thought I should post, and instead, spent it playing catch-up on journals, on email, on the sheer amount of art and journals of other people in my watch list on my online galleries. Not too terrible, all in all, but I didn't manage to get to half the people I should have, either through email, or just with a note.

And, there is the sad fact that if you wait long enough, there is invariably bad news to deliver along with the good. But y'know, the bad will keep. This entry, this will be all about good things.

As of June 1st, I graduated with honors from Hartnell. My issues with the quality of my education aside, I was graduating, and faced with the decision to walk or not, I pondered over the question up until the last day to submit the card mailed to me for that purpose. At first, I wanted nothing to do with a ceremony. One, they're long and tedious, two, I'd have to look like a giant plum again (maroon and yellow, school colors, joy), and three, I didn't feel like I deserved to graduate. I didn't feel like I'd done what I needed to do, I didn't feel educated, I didn't feel like I'd committed the knowledge to memory that I absolutely needed to be a competent vet tech. I was – and still am, to an extent – a little bitter about all that went on during my two year stint in the program. In short, I was downright depressed; because I felt the degree I was being awarded was empty and worthless. (Holy crap Kaz, I thought you said this was gonna be a happy entry. It will. Just wait for it.)

In the end, I did it for my mother. I knew how much it would mean to her, to see me get that phony scroll, and wear that horrid gown. And as far as doing things for someone, an hour or two of being uncomfortable and bored is a very small price to pay for seeing that selfless lady fairly glow. Even if it was through tears, as I was certain there would be. I was, incidentally, not wrong about that.

What I was wrong about was how I felt. As I sat through the rehearsal, and pondered over just how much of an ass the college president was, I found the oppression lifting. Events notwithstanding, I worked my butt off in the program. I struggled, and I flailed, just like everyone else... but not everyone else made it. I did. I worked damn hard to do this, and... there I was. My mood shifted. And so, when I went home for the few intervening hours between ceremony and rehearsal, and indulged in the personal custom of painting the top of my graduation cap, I discarded thoughts of a political statement on the way Hartnell mistreated me and my classmates, what I thought of the college president, or even just a general rude comment which probably would have gotten me thrown out. While my previous caps have borne the image of a brown cat with the appropriately colored hat I wore at the time, this time, I painted Kaz. Just a headshot, against a sky blue panel, the top and bottom tips of the cap black, AHT (Animal Health Technology) at the top, and '07 on the bottom. Kaz, showing a lot of fang, though in a smile. Mostly. (So, it was subtle. I still put the jab in.) And slowly, by the time I walked in with the other milling masses, I found I was happy. I finally had that sense of accomplishment. I got here, and I fought to get here, and it wasn't pretty, but dammit, I did it. And I did it with honors, and no amount of cynicism can tarnish that.

And when I introduced my mother to my instructors, she completely lost it, in between sobs saying she was so proud of me, bragging to them that I was the first woman on either side of my family to graduate from college.

And I finally felt like I had. It was more than a piddling little AA in Transfer Studies that just meant I'd gotten my general ed done. It was an Associate of Science in Animal Health Technology. I can say that degree out loud without feeling like I'm bullshitting. And I am the first woman on both sides of my family with a college degree. So take that, Universe.

And a little later, the teacher whom I really respect and like, and who is hard as HELL, gave me a hug and told me she was proud of me. That meant a lot to me.

So, now all that's left is the test to get licensed. I need to get fingerprinted, get my transcripts, and send them with my application to the Board, who will then say "Yes! You are now worthy of taking the test! Give forth your monies, and subject yourself to one of the six versions of this torture, er, testing, within the next 6 months, and behold, you might become an RVT. Or just have to take the test again and give us more monies."

I have days off for the first time in two years. I have spent most of them sleeping. I didn't realize quite how worn down and keyed up I've been. But I think, finally, I'm recovered, and it's time to Get Stuff Done, which I have begun to do. I have almost gotten my room squared away, and now, all I need is to go buy a cheap table to act as my desk, and a comfy chair to sit in, and I will finally be able to set up my computer. Which means I shall soon know the joy of WoW. *dances* As soon as I have extraneous money from my paycheck with which to purchase said necessities. And perhaps, perhaps even buy a scanner. Imagine the possibilities.

My mother has said she'd pay for a trip to Oklahoma to visit my best friend after I get certified, which will be awesome. Even better, is that she and her husband got to come see me for a few days at the beginning of the month. There were a few bumps in the road, of course, but overall, I was just damn happy to see her, and I think (I hope!) she had a good time too.

I'm going to start getting the ball rolling on the gastric bypass surgery, as well as take care of some other health issues. I'd always planned on doing so after getting licensed, and now the time is here. I'm hopeful, if not exactly looking forward to the process.

That's it for now, and to those whom it's a holiday for - Happy 4th of July! Go out and blow sparkly things up. :D Me, I'll be working of course.